Just ask him how he made it
He'll tell you faith and sweat
And the heart of a faithful woman
Who never let him forget
Be a best friend, tell the truth
And overuse "I love you"
Go to work, do your best
Don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy
—Love Like Crazy, Lee Brice
I think this song truly epitomizes for who my heart is longing.
Day 344. How did I make it this far? How has it gone by so quickly? How have I been able to change so much?
I am just in awe of this last year of my life, and know that it’s only the beginning. I diligently disciplined myself through Christ’s love and grace and am such a different girl than I was so many days ago.
I think people shortchange this challenge. They don’t really get what all goes into it. You get what you put into it. If you don’t change your inside and expect the outside to change, well, my friend, that’s a poor attitude that will get no one nowhere.
I looked through my treasure box today, running my fingers over mementoes. Stuff I never thought I’d do, I did. Stuff I didn’t want to, I did with a joyful heart. I’ve received so much through this—from Him. Selfishly, yeah, this challenge was about bettering myself, being a better, happier person, but He used it in so many ways—ways I couldn’t even imagine, because I was open.
People think, “Oh, you’re just not dating…that’s easy.” But internally, there’s a shift. You learn how to operate around the opposite sex, how to channel your mind into reality, not fantasy. You learn to wait. Patience is a learned virtue. You practice obedience. You don’t say things you want to say when the Spirit leads you not to say them. You say things you don’t want to say when you’re guided by the Spirit to say them. I have put more work into this than anything else in my life.
This challenge was to kill my idol, to rid myself to validation through men, sex, and relationships. To heal from the hurt caused from living knowingly and without obstruction in judgment with sin. To forgive myself, to forgive others, to lower my expectations and to raise them. To love Christ and God the Father completely and faithfully. To trust His will above the desires of my own.
I went from having a man validate my entire existence to not needing a man at all. Not physically. Not intimately. Not emotionally. Not needing in a sense of my whole being depending upon them. And for someone who spent 27 years of their life like that—that’s a comeback right there. A comeback by the hand of Christ who lifted the shackles from my wrists, unbound my heart tethered to Satan’s lies, and lifted me from the unrealistic, wholly-healing fantasies of love and marriage.
One day I might be married. Now, I might not be—but chances are someone is going to come along who reminds me what it feels like to fall in love.
My story will not be an easy one for him to hear, I’m sure, but what he’ll know is that I spent time, effort, energy—that I invested in him long before he came to me. I invested myself in my Father, my Savior, my Redeemer, which flows into a beautiful river of loving and respecting others when it pierces your heart so unshakably.
With 22 days left, I plan to spend them diligently wrapping up this year with Him, my ever-present Father. And it is so wonderful to know that unlike any other relationship in my life, this one has no expiration date. There is no break-up where He wounds my heart. There is no realization that He’s not “the one”—because He’s The One. And I will spend the rest of my life following Him, doing my best to bring honor to His name, loving those around me that He has sent to me, and being loved by Him.
What better reward to a dating fast is there than a man who will never leave you…never forsake you…and Who has given His life for you?
None, I say, and know this truth better every dying day.
