Let him be past
all his past relationships, his heart free from resentment, pining, and
unfinished business.
It took me three years to get
over him.
Mistakenly, I dated men
throughout the process. I tried to heal
myself through them, both directly and indirectly.
Directly, I tried to change
them, suffering from comparing everything they were doing to everything that
had been done. Trying to let their love
and acceptance and validation overwhelm the unmovable rejection and hurt. The more I tried to heal from their love the
worse the hurt became, and the more I tried to change them in a preemptive
attempt to prevent the coming end of the relationship.
And even through it all
sometimes I would think, "I really miss him." While someone else held
me, wishing that it was him instead, cheating my current beau out of purity and
devotion. My mind wandered, my heart
still too deep in my past to give to anyone else.
And because I've worked on my
heart, my obedience to God, set my determination to let myself be loved by Him,
I ask for this in a husband. I pray for
a man who has devoted His life and His heart to God. Someone who has spent time relinquishing the
past. Someone who harbors no hurt
feelings. I do not wish for someone
perfect, but someone who is ready to give his heart to me with no
discrepancies, no unreal expectations, and no attachments. A freed heart.
You can't give your heart to
someone new when it belongs to someone else.
Rule one. Rule two is, you
shouldn't let someone into your heart until you've given it completely to God. Give it, as broken as it may have been,
giving the peace back to the Healer, letting Him bandage the wounds. Letting Him heal your heart. Not expecting me to do that for you. Not wishing you were still with her. Not seeing her out and wishing that was you
beside her.
Two hearts, new to each other,
would do well to release all hurt prior to their meeting, so that availability
to be loved can be met with a freshness and a chance to bloom.
