It was Valentine’s Day, and my boyfriend Dale had set up a scavenger
hunt that, at the end of the night, would lead me to him. Our mutual friend, Smith, was with me
throughout the day to ensure I had gotten every piece of the puzzle.
We scoured the city together.
Ate dinner at my favorite restaurant.
And as the evening came to an end, I was led to a plane. It was a magnanimous moment!
Dale rarely made an effort to make me feel loved—and yet here was a
plane! A testament of his love for
me. I love to fly at night and be eye to
eye with the stars. How special he had
noticed!
The plane was small, compact, and Smith and I both boarded. Together, we flew over the city on our way to
Dale. I was laughing, giddy,that my
boyfriend had gone to such an extent. He
had never done anything like this before…
He had never appreciated me so much…
He had never…
And then I realized he hadn’t.
He had never been this sweet, or thoughtful, or romantic…so why now?
No, not now. Not then. Not ever.
He hadn’t set up any of this. So
who?
And I turned to Smith. It was in
his eyes.
Throughout the two year relationship I had with Dale, Smith had
been right there. In the background. Always encouraging his friend to treat me
better, to love me more, to sacrifice himself.
Fighting for me.
Because he loved me.
Tonight, he planned everything.
From the scavenger hunt, to dinner, to the night sky flight. It was him.
Like Cyrano de Bergerac, he had written Dale’s name on the day. And now, here we sat, side by side, on our
way to see the cause of our mutual heartache.
His intentions were not to win me over, not to betray his friend, but
just to give me happiness.
I look over at him, his eyes filled with both love and a subtle
ache. He doesn’t realize I know.
As we continue to fly, in quiet, I wonder how I hadn’t known.
The above was from a dream I had last night, but there
are traces of reality planted within in.
It’s a reminder of where I was—choosing what looked good on paper over a
good heart.
I have 243 days left of my challenge. And I have changed so much since November, it’s
amazing. My thoughts are clearer, my
focus is clearer, and I feel a freedom I’ve never felt before.
It makes me wonder what it’ll be like to date come this
November (that is, if I date). What will
be different? Will I settle? Will I be too scared to walk away? Will I have clarity and vision when it comes
to dating?
God, I just pray I make good decisions every day. I pray You’re everywhere, and guiding me, and
not letting me sink or settle. I pray
that You bring a great guy into my life—one who loves You completely and is
devoted to following Your will for their life.
I pray that You keep me safe. I
pray that You open my eyes to value the right things instead of the things that
only look right.
