Day 124

When a heart is cold as ice you can't melt it with advice 

No one wants to listen to a list of things they shouldn't do 

So I build a city on a hill and I light a candle on the sill 

Knowing you'll be always knocking at the door 

Oh God I just want to love on everyone 

All I have is yours to give so let the people come 

Learning to Be Light, Newworldson

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Do nothing.

Say nothing.

Be patient.

Be quiet.

Be a listener.

Hold your tongue.

Doing nothing has never seemed to accomplish anything.  So when I went to California there was an emptiness that I felt when God told me to do nothing.

Do nothing?  How can I sit back idly and do nothing?

My family never spoke of my newfound religion.  They never asked about God.  I never shared about the love of Christ.  My family didn’t even want to go to church with me.

And so here I am, 2,000 miles away from them, feeling lost and unaccomplished.  Nobody was closer to Christ when I left.  How did I do anything?

Frustrating.

Tonight I listened as a group discussed the book of Philemon.

God spoke to me in so many ways,  but it was when they discussed being useful versus being useless that my heart perked.  I definitely felt useless during my time in California.  All God was telling me to do was be quiet!

Worthless.  Completely and utterly worthless.  How am I supposed to save people if I can’t save the ones I love the most?

Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me (Phil 1:11).

And it hit me.  They are no more closer to God than a year ago when I visited for the first time when I first tried, my way.  I gave my brother back my grandfather’s cross.  I handed him his very own Bible.  I took him to church with me.  He had a curiosity.  He was interested.  And all that culminated to what?

Nothing.

That brought some comfort knowing that nothing I did changed anything in my family for better or worse.  Where they stood a year ago, they stand today.

And, still, what I think is useless is only seen as useless because there are no perceptible changes.

But, Jamie…  I hear God say.

If there is no change…then why did your  family say nothing, do nothing, ask nothing of you while you were in California…but when you came back to Memphis, they asked you, “How was church on Sunday?”

Two thousand miles away, and it makes no different.  My will is My will.  Their salvation has nothing to do with you or your successes or downfalls.  Their eternity is in My hands.  All You can do is follow Me.  And you did.

You were obedient.  I know you wanted to scream from the rooftops about My love.  I know you wanted to share in every way to every person.

But I also know that you’re kind.  Thoughtful.  Insightful.  And that sometimes being forthright isn’t the most loving way to bring someone to Me.  Sometimes it takes time.  You took 26 years to cultivate and even yet you are still young.  Confident in your obedience, I trust you to be patient with them.  Remember to listen.  Let them talk.  You don’t have to defend me.  I am God.  I don’t need defending.

And, no, you’re not crazy.

All things are useful to Me.  You are useful even in the moments you deem useless.  You can’t see all that I know, but you must trust Me.  Think long term.  Not short term.

And, no, no, no, no, no...you’re not useless.
Sometimes doing nothing and everything are one and the same thing.