After a weekend of completely decompressing, here are
some bullets:
·
I am human. I let people down. I’m
selfish. I’m undeserving. I’m evil. I’m not beyond being
spiteful or jealous or mean. And sometimes I am all those things.
And sometimes I push people away. Sometimes I’m self-absorbed.
Those who love me choose to bear with me. And those who love me and can’t
bear with me, please just forgive me.
·
I miss my family a lot, but talking to them on Tango has definitely made things
easier. I plan to have Tango dates with Micaela and Lizzie sometime
soon. Sometime soon, my dear friends—you, me, and my couch.
·
The tug to move to California is strong.
But I know in the deepest parts of my heart, it’s not going to be in September.
I know I have a longer journey ahead of me here, one that I can only complete
where I’m at right now, and leaving here would defeat the main purpose of
moving home. I’d be useless. And I don’t want to be useless.
I want to be useful. If God can’t use me, then no—no, I can’t leave yet.
·
At some point the past becomes something that
taps you on the shoulder and says, “Hey!” No ugliness. No crude
memories. Not even a reflection of what was...just an “is.”
Saw a guy I once dated today. And where I once was a little bitter, it
was kind of just, like, “Hey, hope life is good.”
·
You’ll never go wrong loving others. But
what that means is loving others in a way that brings them closer to
Christ. It doesn’t mean spending oodles of time with them, changing your
life, changing who you are, or buying them things, or lying to them—it means if
the best and Godliest way you can love them is with a kind “What’s up?” when
you see them, then love them. Just know your boundaries. And know
their signals. Don’t give someone lifetime friend privileges if they’re a
vapor in the winds of fair-weather.
·
I have given up: rap music, television, 2 meals
a day, and my phone during work hours. I started late (today) and already
feel emotionally and physically refreshed, and focused. I felt much more
focused.
·
It’s amazing who God brings (and brings back)
into our lives. I am thankful for the concert on Friday, for the text
message last night, and the burgers tonight. I have met some amazing
people—past, present, and, I anticipate, future. And never want to stop
meeting and loving people.
God, You have given me a love of new things. New
relationships. New places. New foods. Every new experience
You have given me the ability to enjoy. And I am so thankful for that,
because it has opened my eyes to people and things that I will never
forget. I hear You telling me I can do this. Every day is a new
journey. And I’m ready for tomorrow, because I have You.
