That's how I feel today.
Any addiction is difficult to break, right?
Who am I when I'm not who I was? How do I find out who I am in Christ? What do I change? What stays the same? Who am I?
I feel so lost sometimes, God.
He writes:
Identity and direction lie at the core of humanity's
soul. Fail to find the answers to these
core questions, and life will be devoid of any possible meaning or satisfaction. Humanity's problem is not that men and women
aren't looking for the answers to these questions; it's that most of them will
spend their lives filling the blank spaces of their souls with the wrong
answers...The Gospel of Jesus Christ answers all of the questions and longings
of our soul. Who am I? I am a child of
God in relationship with the creator of the universe (John 1:12) because of the
gospel. Where am I going? My direction and aim in life is found in the
gospel.
For half of my life I have filled the blank with wrong
answers. My life revolved another
person. Everything I was, was dependent
on that person. And now I feel as if I
have no identity. Who am I alone? Who am I with God?
I am so overwhelmed and scared, and just want so
desperately to jump back into a relationship just to have an answer. My terrified heart says any answer is easier than these unanswered questions! But the Holy Spirit reminds me, "It may
be easier, but it's not better,
Jamie."
Last Sunday, we went over some of Revelation. God placed His words on my heart through
Revelation 2:2-4:
I know your deeds,
I know your heart, Jamie
your hard work and your perseverance.
You've been faithful to Me
I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people,
I know you know what's right
that you have tested those who claim to be apostles
All of your old friends, your former boyfriends
but are not, and have found them false.
You now know what it looks like to do good works, but not
love Me
You have persevered and have endured hardships for my
name,
You left them to follow me
and have not grown weary.
You've stayed faithful
Yet I hold this against you:
But, now, here's the thing
You have forsaken the love you had at first.
I need you to love Me like I am your First Love. Because I am your First Love. The greatest love. Leave earthly love and come back and learn
Me.
God, give me the will to persevere when I feel like
giving up. Give me the strength to look
for my identity in You. Let me enjoy
these new years with You. Let me
grow. Let people invest in me. Let me invest in people and feel what true friendship is. Give me a persevering heart.
