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| The view from the plane on my way home. |
I’m comfortable being single.
I missed my one-month-left-iversary while I was away in California without my laptop.
So, I say now that I am full of joy in this place where God has me, and do say that if this were my cup for this life, I would take it upon myself to drink any gifting from God.
This does not mean the desire in me is dead. And I know, because on the off-chance that a very handsome man in an airport who offers a smile in my direction—a smile given in any other place at any other time would invite conversation—that it still causes my heart to stir and my cheeks to flush.
Yes, the desire to be someone’s lover, servant, and wife remain inlaid on my heart, as does the stronger desire to serve God.
After about a year of challenging yourself from restraining from an idol, you realize the great gift of all gifts is Him, and that anything that comes from Him is a secondary gift.
Whether I wed, whether I remain but a single girl—gifts. Both gifts. And really this year has been the unblinding of this knowledge—not a shift in desires, for they remain—but to heed His love above all else, knowing that His love is all sustaining—solely sustaining.
I do not have to be at a certain place at a certain time with a certain man for my will to be done. My will is irrelevant unless it aligns with His.
I do not know what should happen in a month’s time—and don’t need to.
That is yet still part of my amazingly unhinging journey and I thank Him every day for His doing.
