I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did
Well maybe there's something I missed
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh
no)
Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin'
—Losing, Tenth Avenue North
·
Family
Last night I spoke with my family over the phone. I watched as the three of them sat and stood
near each other on the sofa in the living room.
Dad was laughing, Steven was squinting, and Mom, I could tell, was
keeping herself from tears. The night
hit me so hard and I looked upon each of them as if it was the last time I would
see them. I took in every smile, every
word, every laugh, every far off stare that hinted at a sadness from our
separation. Just watching them I wanted
to cry. I just felt like I have betrayed
them somehow. Here I am, Heaven bound as
far as I can tell, and they’re bound to Hell.
How can I convey that to them without scaring them? It’s like we’re on a plane and it’s going
down, and I’m panicking. Grab this parachute! This is an emergency situation! I don’t know how to handle it gently. I don’t know how to tell them about the love
of Jesus—maybe I don’t believe it’s the love that would save them. Maybe knowing of the imminent pain that awaits
them would push them into God’s hands faster…but maybe that’s not the right
approach. Whatever the approach, I’m
just lost and I’m just so sad every day that passes and they’re not saved.
·
Friends
Being unsaved and having unsaved friends, things were much clearer. When someone hurt you, the friendship was
over. Period. There was no expectation of love
continuing. You took it back, they no
longer deserved your love. Now following
Christ, there’s an expectation of brotherly love. How do you love someone through the
hurt? And what’s more, how do you love
them if they say what they’re doing, they’re being led by the Holy Spirit to do,
or not do? You question so much. All I can say is, we can hurt others even while following Christ. It’s not like we become saved and we never
hurt anyone else again. We might not be
wrong, we may be as close to Christ as we can be, but just be sensitive to
that—that we can hurt people even in our pursuit of Him.
·
Challenge
I am so thankful that in everything that has been going on, these last few
weeks, this year, that God has not allowed any men to pursue me. It has made things easier. I can’t imagine what I would do if someone
walked up to me and said, “I like you. I
want to pursue you.” Saying no would be
difficult. Either out of no interest or
this challenge. Can you imagine if I
liked someone and he walked up to me and told me he was interested? I would spend the rest of the challenge with
him in the back of my mind. I think of
this now a little more than 100 days
left of this OYC, and know this has been the greatest experience of my life,
and as the end draws near…so does anxiety.
Maybe I’ll just never date again.
·
Twitter
The older I get, the more I go through, the more I see—I just know every day is
precious, and you never know when you’re going to go. You never know. You never expect to go. Car accidents. Shootings.
Heart attack. Undiscovered brain
tumor. Cancer. The list goes on and on of life ending
instances. And I think that’s why there
is this heaviness on my heart—because I could leave any day, any time, by any
way. If I died tomorrow, I leave behind
an unsaved family. I leave behind
unreconciled relationships. I leave
behind people who may not know how much I love them. Two cute dogs. Unsaved souls. John Bryson said, “You have 16 hours a day
you are not asleep, what are you doing with them?” This
story peaked my interest. Alex
Sullivan’s last
tweet. He never expected that to be
his last day here… What will I be doing before my last day... How will it be spent... Will I be able to say goodbye? You never know. Every day is blessing.
