I stood outside of what once was Blue Coast Burrito.
A time capsule of sorts, I surveyed a piece of town in
which I had not been for five life-changing years. Across from the new Moe’s off Walker Avenue was my old apartment.
Ratty, dingy, and dirty, this complex was my home for a
year. The first year I lived in Memphis.
Standing in the parking lot reminded me of all the
evenings, all the fights, all the pain, the confusion. I was young and dumb—at 22, I knew nothing
and thought I knew everything. How I am
still alive today, I have no clue aside from God’s grace.
We were in love. I
wanted love. And what we thought was
love wasn’t love at all. Differences
came. And before we knew it, a tornado
erupted.
Today I parked in the same parking place I did of that
night—the night I knew it all was over.
I can’t remember which friend held me as I cried, but someone did. And I remember wondering what was going to
become of my life.
It was calming to stand there, to reminisce. I felt no ill feelings,
no remorse, no anger—I just felt at peace.
That was a time in my life that was very difficult, but also so very
dear to me. I didn't know then that, that would only be the starting point of the tragedies that would meet me in Memphis. It was only the beginning. It was our beginning. It was my beginning. The totality of it for me was that this was all in God’s plan.
If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have moved to Memphis. If it weren’t for Memphis, I wouldn’t have
found God. If it weren’t for God, well,
there’s no telling where I’d be right now.
All in His time, in His fashion. When I see glimpses of what He has done in my
life, from where He has brought me, I wonder why I don’t trust Him more.
Two months from now will mark my sixth year here in
Memphis.
And maybe I remember that time in my life with such a
fondness because I feel as if my time in Memphis is winding down. I think of all it has provided me. How retched it was and how glory came from it
all. The comparison is a treasure in
itself.
It could be years before I leave, and that’s fine. It’s the acknowledging in my soul that Memphis
is not my last stop on this journey.
Living here is not permanent—as many things aren’t, but just a
stage. And I can’t help feeling that the
next stage, whenever, wherever it may be, will hold some amazing moments that I
can look back on and say, “He brought me here.
He brought me here with a purpose, with a reason, and I know beyond a
shadow of a doubt that it is by His hand I make it day by day and am still alive
to tell it so.”
To my ex I say, thank you, friend, for all that was and
all that we came through. We both can
look back now at what we overcame, and look forward to what else life has in
store. I am happy you’ve moved on and
laugh at how life has brought us back together here and there to catch up,
reminisce, and pay tribute. You were a
worthy opponent, and I don’t just mean on Words with Friends.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and
lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will
make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
