Day 364

It's you and me, kid.  Messy room and all.

Even with all the romantic comedies I’ve been watching lately, I have no desire to date.

It’s strange.  You would think I’d be chomping at the bit.

But I’m not.

I’m happy being single and really am not looking for anything after my challenge is complete.

I hope people do not judge the fruit of the challenge by what happens after the challenge.  I don’t want women to look as if the year was a failure if I remain dateless and, in turn, ringless.

Where I was compared to where I am now is a completely different and worthy treasure received from this time of fasting.  If I do not start dating right away, that in itself is more a testament to what this challenge has brought me.

To a place where I will never settle.  That’s the testament to God.  That He is enough, and my soul not only says it is well, but sings that it is more than enough.

The results are not whether or not it results in the having a husband.  The results are how I carry myself in the meantime, knowing Christ is my end, not just my beginning.  And that a husband is not my all, as it once stood, not a definition of happiness.

The Lord gives gifts every day, and a husband would be no more than a gift from Him, offering just as much joy as any other walk of life.

Single and joyful.

Married and joyful.

Two possible routes.  One common denominator.  One underlying Factor.  And that Factor, as great and as gracious as He is, has shown me that if it is the latter, that equation’s results will be set upon a foundation built with someone worth having waited for rather than settling for someone because I couldn’t wait.

And that is an argument in semantics worth having, because it makes all the difference in the world.

Day 230

A year and a half ago I thought my soul was going to break into a million little irreconcilable pieces.

Here I stand, amazed and intrigued by God's work in my heart.

Through a series of events today, a final thought flashed in my mind:

I'm content.


Oh, snap.  What?

I'm content being single.


I'm content not searching out a husband.


I'm content being free from my past of dependency.


I content seeking out God's will.


No, not just content...elated and joyous!


I thought of the many people who are in my life today and just felt grateful for their presence.  Each and every one like a puzzle piece suited to my heart.

Praise Jesus for these people.  Praise God for his unwavering love.  How this change has occurred in me I do not know.  All I know is that it has, and, while I may want a husband, it does not rule over me anymore.

Not like it did where I wept for weeks over a lost relationship.  Not like it did when I gave myself to men for attention.  Not like it did when how I dressed, what I said, where I went depended on who of the opposite sex was going to be there for me to flirt with....

Nooooo.  And I just can't explain the freedom in that!  I can't say in words how much He has changed me.  I can't say how thankful and grateful and indebted I am to Him for ALL He has done.

And I pray the same for my other single women friends.  I wish that they too would know the joy of being single and standing with Christ.  I wish that while that ache may remain that they find satisfaction in life as is.

I stand on the other side, saying it is possible.  It is plausible.  It is more than what I can express in words.

And if we're never meant to marry, women among me and afar, I pray that God blesses you with a passion that fulfills and compels your compassionate heart.  I pray that you are so filled by Him that the desiring of a husband is but a mere afterthought.  I pray that whatever your niche...children, seniors, minorities, continents, callings...I pray that your hearts aches fully for those causes and is driven by the desire to bring glory to Him.  I pray past relationships play no part except reconciliation and recovery.  I hope hearts bear witness to those around you that there is joy in NOT SETTLING.  I pray that women, in a sisterhood, band together and know that sitting on a porch in rocking chair with lemon pepper wings and a freeze cup with a best friend or god-child is the culmination of a life well lived and a God well served, where He can look back and say, "I could ask nothing more from you, My child.  I adore you and love you."