It took nearly seven months of sacrifice to find myself
in a place content and satisfied in Christ—a place that seems light-years away
from a newly broken heart or an addict who has spent their life relapsing into
relationship after relationship.
As I prayed last night, as the ache covered my heart for
my sisters, I found myself promising God, “God, if I can be a role model for
single women—if I can be someone they look to, seeing joy can exist in a life
without a husband, then let me single.”
It was maybe the most difficult prayer I’ve ever
prayed. But the most earnest as well.
I’m not so lonely at night anymore. I don’t miss texts at the beginning of the
day. I don’t ache for texts at the end
of the night. I don’t crave
attention. Happiness doesn’t rely on
affection. I opened myself to God and
trusting Him and what came was a whirlwind of promises, hope, and realizations. One being that He is all I need.
I feel as if I’m on the edge of deep canyon. I’m on one side, and I see women—my hurting,
aching sisters, my comrades—on the
other side.
“I’m here! I made
it!” I want to scream. “I made it
through the starvation, the thirst, the sunburns, the stench, the heat, the
cold, the rain, the dark nights—but I’m here!
It’s possible! Keep going!”
All that I am right now, praise be to the Holy Spirit for
His help in my life. I didn’t do it
alone—heck, I didn’t do anything. I let
Him take the wheel. The reason I’m on
the other side of the canyon is because I sacrificed. I trusted Him. I let Him lead. I merely followed.
It’s not impossible. Nothing is impossible with Christ. I am proof, sisters! I am flesh and blood proof that you can
possess joy without possessing a ring.
I so desperately want to show Christian women that there
is more to life than wedding bells.
Thanks to Eve for biting the apple—child birth and a longing for our
husbands. Great.
Good job, Eve. Screwed us all.
No! It doesn’t
have to be that way.
Here’s the reality.
The church, the world, our own hearts put a lot of emphasis on marriage and becoming a person
someone would want to marry. In my life,
I meet women in their sixties and seventies who were never married. Get that?
Never married. This is a reality, it may not happen.
What will you choose to do with information?
Sulk? Be angry
with God? I encourage you, do those
things. But afterwards, when emotions
have settled, vow to live a life that’s glorifying to Him regardless of what—or
who—you have.
And that’s as simple as opening your heart to The One Who
made it.
The greatest gift-giver.
The most talented artist. The
deepest lover of your soul. The
everlasting father. The breath-taking
poet. Our Savior.
I come to you not self-righteous, praising the challenges
I have overcome—for I have overcome nothing without Christ. From
a deep hurt, I praise only God for the change in my heart, sisters. I come to you from a place of empathy, crying
out that there is healing to be had, hope to be if only you would let it
overtake you. Until you give God the
clay, you’re stuck with dirt. But in His
hands, it’s the most awe-inspiring piece of art we could ever see. Be art.
Have joy. Live for him—the right Him.
I love you. And I’m
praying for you.
Good night, and better days ahead.
