The cool thing about not trusting God is when He shows
you exactly why you should and you realize you were an idiot for not doing so
in the first place.
This last week was spent among friends. So many different friends. And I can’t even remember how many times I
laughed. But tonight was special.
When you think God can’t, He can. Redemption.
Grace. Love.
Why was I so angry?
Why was I so distrusting?
Sitting across from friends tonight I was just in awe of
what an idiot I am. Like, how can I not
feel loved? Forgiven? A part of a group?
I may not have a set community anymore, but I’m loved,
and what’s more, I’m loved through my
stupidity.
There are friendships where you have to work at feeling
comfortable with another person. There
are acquaintances that never warm up
to me. There are people around me I
doubt even like me or care to get to know me.
I see them more often than other people in my life.
And I think that’s why when I sit down with people who
just exude an aura of hey-I’m-here-to-laugh-and-I-don’t-care-what-you-think-of-yourself-because-I-love-you-because-God-loves-me,
I just feel at home.
And I’ve missed that feeling for so long. I’m a big enough idiot to walk away from it,
and big enough idiot to complain about the path God takes me down.
Redemption, forgiveness, and grace are amazing
things. A friend who loves you,
great. A friend who you screw over and
hurt, and loves you through it, and accepts that we’re all sinners—there’s
something rare in that friendship.
Something to be treasured.
Because not only is God trying to do something through that, but they’re
letting themselves be used by Him.
And I’m just so thankful that I can laugh with people I’ve
hurt. I’m so thankful they love me
enough to try, to open themselves up again to me even though I’ve hurt
them. I’m so thankful for new
friendships, for people who are open to my goofiness and ditzy-ness. I’m so thankful for the people who let me be
myself and love me for it and hug me when they see me and laugh at what I say
or do or really whatever it takes to make me feel loved.
I don’t know what God has planned for me during these
next months. I don’t know who will be in
my life and at what capacity, but I sure do treasure these moments He gives—the
ones that shine His light and love on a heart that otherwise is so, so lost and
insecure.
Thank you to my friends.
A big thank you to God. And a big
happy birthday to the beautiful, thoughtful, hilarious, fashionable,
voluminous-haired Lauren Sullins. I hope
we’re friends for a long time to come, and thank you for loving me enough to
let me share in your night of celebration!
Glad you were born :)
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate (Luke 15:22-23).
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate (Luke 15:22-23).
