·
Any time I go down town I know I have to leave
an extra twenty minutes ahead of time, because I am both directionally
challenged and common sense challenged.
So why I didn’t listen to myself today, I don’t know. I left late and as a result sped down the highway at 70-90 miles per hour,
which is unlike me. The only cool thing about this was
some other poor soul was late, and he was bobbing and weaving just like me
through traffic. Like comrades in a war,
we sped together, blocking and passing other cars.
·
When I finally made it downtown, it took forever for me to find the parking
garage. I circled the building for 10
minutes, utterly confused. When I
finally followed a van (because a van insinuates family, and family insinuates
church in the south), and made it inside the garage safe and sound.
·
My mind hadn’t cooled down from the trip, and it
felt like service went by too quickly. I
saw faces of people I hadn’t seen in a while, and I realized how terribly I miss them. But with an all-too-quick hug I went upstairs
to fulfill my duties as a volunteer.
·
Infants.
Infants?! Oh, those poor
babies. Don’t these people realize I’m
single, have never babysat, and have no idea what I’m doing!? But I did tell them I’d help anywhere, and quickly
prayed that no babies would be dropped at my hands. Surrounded
by babies, my heart melted as each of them smiled and laughed and
sputtered odd noises. They reached their
baby hands out to me, and I was smitten.
I even nibbled at their baby feet.
I couldn’t resist the smiles that came from toe kisses! One little one reached out to me. When I came close, he held my face in his
hands, looking intently at me. I fell in
love with their tenderness and enjoyed the morning. Our section overlooked the Memphis bridge—the
scene just took my breath away. And for
a moment, I felt firmly that I was exactly where God wanted me to be in every
sense.
·
As parents came to pick up their children, I
watched the masses of people. So many
people! I felt so small against the
backdrop of such a multitude. Everyone was dressed up so beautifully. And all I could think was about how I was in my kid-safe wardrobe. I was a little sad, but knew there would be other opportunities. I saw very few people I recognized actually,
and had some invitations to go out. And really I was thinking, I just want to go home, but as I got
into my car, I realized that was the exact opposite of what I truly wanted, and
instead met Tracy and Lindsay at Molly’s.
·
David Platt flipped my world upside down last Friday. There is this passion in me that I’ve only
experienced in snippets before. Hearing
Mario talk a couple years ago and leading us through Secret Church, and then
subscribing to Voice of Martyrs have offered pieces of the world that remain
unreached. I don’t know for what God is
preparing me, but I know it’s going to be big.
Kisses from Katie left me to wonder of what God is going to make me
capable. I think it’s important Lindsay
told me that Katie sacrificed college to do God’s work, because I feel like
that’s one thing that could eventually prevent me from fulfilling God’s
calling. When the other topic arose, it
made me realize just how much we have to protect brothers, honoring their
future wives. We also have to protect
our hearts, to save them for our husbands.
We have to remain focused on God, and find a balance between having
healthy opposite sex friendships and boundaries.
·
As I drove home from Molly’s, I recognized where
I was. I was driving home on
Madison. Madison was always the way I
drove to Minglewood Hall, where Christ City meets on Sundays. And there was a slight ache in my heart. Last Easter, I was at Christ City, and before
Fellowship, this is where I was fed. I
thought to myself, Man, I miss Christ
City, which made me realize how often within the last few weeks I have
heard the names of all the other churches where I spent time. And now, in a couple weeks, I’ll become a
member of Fellowship. And I have cold feet. With the utterance of the names of other
churches from my past, I’m wondering if I’m making a mistake. Am I meant to serve within and from
Fellowship? Am I making the right
choice? Two months ago I would have said
yes. And now I feel as if I’m not sure.
·
This hurts, because I want to be sure. And I don’t know if this is Satan planting the
seed of distrust or if this is God
pushing me elsewhere. When I sat in
Highland Church, I looked around, and imagined myself happy there. Second Pres, Independent Pres, Highpoint, Christ United Methodist…I love Fellowship for its desire to disciple. But either I don’t know the right people or
there’s a lack of discipling going on, because I’ve heard more people say their
community groups are falling apart and that they’re not learning or growing. And I think of other churches that have a set
building, and have Wednesday night services, community groups, women studies, intentional
connectedness to the body as a whole, and I just wonder, if I want to grow,
will I be able to grow here?
·
The end of the day was fulfilling for me. When I asked the girls if they wanted to go
to Shelby Farms, I expected polite no’s.
Not because they wouldn’t want to spend time with me, but nobody ever
has time or desire to come out to Shelby Farms with me. And Shelby Farms is basically a love language
of mine. If you follow me and spend time outside with smelly, rowdy
puppies romping around in mud, I know you care. But most of the time I spend the afternoons
there alone just because it’s not really anybody’s “thing.” And it was a kind gift from God to give me
Tracy and Lindsay to walk with and watch the dogs play and see exactly how and
where I spend my time. And that in
itself made me miss have deep, connected friendships even more.
·
And so now I sit, relaxing on my sofa with two
tired dogs. I think back on my Easter
and see how much has changed in a year, and how much further I still have to
travel. I think of how thankful I am to Jesus for all He endured. I’m thankful for God’s sovereignty. I’m thankful for a job, a working car, a home
in which to live, unwavering friendships that continue to give me grace, and forgiveness,
and love.
·
One of the songs in the service today was Tye
Tribbett’s Bless the Lord (Son of Man), and I couldn’t stop listening to
it. Loving this song so much, I listened
to a few others and found one that I absolutely fell in love with. This is my wish for my life, God, and I hope
when I meet Easter of next year that I can look back and know my life has
continued to change as I have continued
chasing after You.
Each and every day
I will seek your face
My soul is crying
out
For more, I want
more of You
I won't be
satisfied nor content with where I am
So I will
apprehend till I'm captured by what I'm after
And I will go
From faith to
faith
From glory to
glory
And I'll forever
be chasing after you
I'll be chasing
after you
I will press
towards the mark
For the prize, and
I won't faint
There's one thing
I desire and that's what I'm going for
I can't continue
life, day by day, growing dry
I need to be with
you, Jesus, I'll seek where you are
And I'll forever
be chasing after you
I'll be chasing
after you
And those are some of my thoughts. Happy Easter.
He has risen!
