As the pastor continued teaching, I couldn’t let go of
those words.
All week I’ve been praying about what of my story to share
with my Sunday group.
How deep can I
go? What can they handle? What can I handle? What can I say to keep them from running?
Throughout the week I heard God telling me to tell it
all. To share everything. Not out of guilt. Not out of shame. But to tell of His grace, His glory, how He
pulled me away from my poisonous, addicted life. The things He used to change my life aren’t
pretty, but God builds beauty out of ashes,
and, baby, I was burnt.
I don’t have to
tell them, but I get to stationed itself in my heart.
As 5:30 rounded the clock, I was in a panic. My heart was literally beating out of my
chest. Please let them love me after this, I prayed.
A friend reminded me yesterday that being obedient to the
will of God is a lot better than wishing you had been. And tonight I was obedient to God, and I
shared my life with these girls who have so quickly become my family. I don’t know how each felt afterwards, but I heard God saying, "One. One needs to hear this." And so I followed Him, knowing that if He said "only one" then that's the one that mattered.
At the end of the night, my eyes were met by gazes full of abounding love and grace, just as if Christ Himself had been sitting there, listening to me.
At the end of the night, my eyes were met by gazes full of abounding love and grace, just as if Christ Himself had been sitting there, listening to me.
After the last few girls left, I curled up in front of my
fireplace, partly from emotional exhaustion, and partly just taking a moment to praise God while Chris Tomlin and Audrey
Assad’s song Winter Snow played on REPEAT.
The first time I heard this song was in my car, and it brought tears to
my eyes. I’m assuming it talks of God sending
Christ to us, but my heart took on a meaning of its own.
It makes me think of how God didn’t bring me to Him. He wasn’t quiet or gentle. He saved me by ripping everything from me.
Could've come like
a mighty storm
With all the
strength of a hurricane
You could've come
like a forest fire
With the power of
heaven in Your flame
And You
did, for me.
You could've swept
in like a tidal wave
Or an ocean to
ravish our hearts
You could have
come through like a roaring flood
To wipe away the
things we've scarred
And You
did, for me.
For me, He did so much.
He tore away at the life I knew.
He took it from me by force, piece by painful piece.
What are you afraid
of? I hear Him gently. This is the path I gave you. Would you want anything different, anything
less? If they love Me, they love
you. Don’t let your fear keep you. Peace.
Peace. And I am at
peace tonight, because He fell from
the sky in the night to the earth below, and saved me. And I get to tell that story.
