Actually, I may not have said anything at all. I think I burst into laughter from an uncomfortable disbelief.
My ex's picture flashed on the screen as I brought up an online dating site.
Reminiscent of how we met four years ago, though he refused to admit to anyone the truth of how me met, his picture stared at me.
And I laughed. And I knew then that I would not be meeting anyone online. If ever there was a sign from God, this was it. I could hear Him saying, "Why? Why would you do this all over again? Do you not trust Me?"
Okay, God, this was all I needed. I'm leaving this whole dating thing up to You when it comes time. I'm not going to do anything, because this, to me, is You saying, Hold on, I got this. This isn't how you need to meet someone.
And today, as I lounged around with a friend by the pool, I just started thinking about life. And in it, I saw the little things, little promises from God.
"Never again..."
"I will..."
"He will.."
Safe to say I don't know how God is going to bring him to me. I don't know when, by what means, or who it will be. (Or if anyone, and if no one, it's amazing that I'm good with that, too! Talk about milestone!)
Those questions are no longer burdens.
And I can't say enough how much this year has changed my life and my perspectives.
I have had an amazing summer so far, and there is so much to come.
Florida.
New Orleans.
Sardis Lake.
Suzanne's birthday.
My birthday.
Fort Worth.
September.
And that's not to mention the little things. Like Moe's on Thursdays. New local restaurants on Wednesday. Having a beer with a group of friends. Going out to Shelby Farms with the dogs. Sitting at the pool. Sitting in my car during lunch and resting.
My heart is so full. The fullest its ever been. And everything every day is changing me. From the people who walk into my life, from the books I read, from the sermons I hear, from what I see on TV, from what I experience. And I can't imagine what other amazing and challenging things are to come.
God, please keep growing me and challenging me. Please hold me up when I'm low. Please remind me of Your love for me every day. Wake me with your steadfast love so that I may be satisfied in You daily. Please keep bringing new people in my life. Remind me of the grace You've given me so that I may give grace continually. Remove the irritation, the anger, the resentment. Keep changing my heart. And keep reminding me of how it is ALL in Your Hands!
