Christians have a tendency to give each other too much
grace—a grace that causes more pain than healing, because sanctification is
lost. Love is arguably overshadowed in an over-giving of grace. (Pastor Bryan Loritts sums up well the matter of loving your neighbor outweighing loving God in his book, A Cross-Shaped Gospel, pg. 33-34.)
I’ve learned much over the last few years, and I’ve
learned that as much as it hurts, the people who care enough to say something
about my behaviors or actions or words are showing me a love that is
incomparable—priceless. Unlike any other
love.
And as we all have the duty to do such—edifying each
other—I am always reminded of this part of Chandler’s sermon, appropriately
titled Coffee with Granddaddy. Solomon (btw,
Solomon is a pretty gnarly dude!) sits down with us, wise man that he is, and
covers us with the wisdom that only Solomon can, and reveals this (zoom 36 minutes into the sermon—it’s hilarious and worth the listen):
There’s a lot of wisdom in this next one. It’s also one of the most painful to hear. Verse 6, “For as the crackling of thorns under
a pot, so is the laughter of the fools; this also is vanity.”
Solomon, as he sips down the last bit of coffee, looks across the room
right at our face and says, “Wise people don’t laugh when they’re on fire, they
scream, ‘Oh my God, I’m on fire!!!’” He says, “You want to know a fool? A fool will sit there, burning alive going,
‘Ha ha ha, what’s up?’” “You’re on
fire.” “That’s alright.” “What’s that smell?” “It’s my flesh.” Wise people, they don’t giggle when they’re on
fire, they scream at the top of their lungs that they’re on fire.
And it’s this one, more than anything else Solomon, our grandfather who
has lived so deeply, wants to impart to us today. He’s going, “Listen, quit
giggling while your world burns down.” Okay, I think the most destructive force
in the universe is pride. I do. I know some of you are like, “What about the
atomic bomb?” Okay, but if that ever gets used, I can bet you that pride is
somewhere in the ranks. Now, I want you to follow me here, because here’s how I
want to unpack this crackling pot, giggle thing. Do you know how many marriages
could have been saved if early on, somebody would have screamed “fire” instead
of giggling? So, what happens is, they grow apart and they grow apart and they
grow apart and start smelling smoke. And they grow apart and they grow apart
and they grow apart, and all of a sudden, this one’s mind is wandering, this
one’s heart’s wandering. There’s coldness, but there’s commitment. There’s
coldness, and then it’s another step apart. And now, the flames poof up. And
they’re further apart and further apart. And the whole time, they pretend that
everything’s alright. The whole time they chuckle like everything’s going well,
and the whole thing is going up in smoke, burning right before their eyes. And no one wants to scream “fire.” Do you know how many people are constantly
stuck in these devastating cycles of secret sin where they’re being owned by
their lust or these behavior patterns that they can’t get out of? And they just hide it and giggle like
nothing’s wrong while all the while, their life, their world, their spirits are
burning to the ground. And Solomon goes, “The wise scream out, ‘I’m on fire!’ They don’t laugh. They don’t laugh, they don’t
giggle, they don’t pretend.”
And listen, the thing that makes this so frustrating for me is that so
much of this has crept into the church. Like, do you want to hear something
that’s really interesting about the Bible Belt? I keep running into people who
love Jesus very much but don’t really like the church at all. Like, we just
moved into a new house, and I got to go across the street to meet some of our
neighbors. And they just seemed to have a real vibrant spirituality. They had a
real vibrant understanding of Jesus and who He was and what He’s done for them,
but they hadn’t been to church in like five years. Do you know why? Because
everybody’s walking around on fire, pretending like they’re the only ones in
the world that have never been burned. Which is crazy because Jesus goes, “No,
I’ve come for the burn victims. I didn’t come for the well. I didn’t come for
the ones who haven’t been burned. I’ve come for the ones who are currently
being incinerated and for those who have had the flames put out and now want to
be healers.”
…and Solomon goes, “Wise people, they don’t giggle while they burn
down, but the fool does. The fool pretends that all is well despite the fact
that the world’s going up in smoke.”
The friends that laugh at you, the friends that laugh
with you, the friends that ignore the self-inflicted pain and wounding
behavior? That’s not love.
Love is edifying.
Love is that difficult conversation where you sit down, eye to eye, in
love and tell the person what they’re doing is HURTING THEMSELVES. Sometimes we’re blinded by the heat of our
fire. Sometimes we claim ignorance to
not deal with the pain. But it doesn’t
make it go away. It makes it worse.
First degree burns.
Second. Third. Fourth.
When does it stop?
When there’s nothing left but ashes?
No, those who love you try to stop you before there’s
nothing left.
Let them love you.
Take the pain and embarrassment of someone noticing
there’s something wrong, and look at it through the lens of love.
They love you.
They love you.
They love you.
God loves you as you are, but He loves you too much to
leave you that way.
Cliché as it is, it’s truth.
And you can either not deal with it and burn. Or let yourself be loved.
