Pursuit of
idleness. All my life I have pursued
men in both relationships and friendships in unhealthy ways.
This challenge has been a proactive pursuit of stepping down and back,
refusing to be aggressive. The more I
learn about the roles of men and women as Christians, the more comfortable I am letting and wanting men to take initiative.
I’m giving men space to be leaders in my life, which is a big change for
me. I’m leaving it to them to initiate. No sending Friend Requests, no initiating
text messages, no initiating phone calls or chats. My behavior isn’t one of righteousness or
entitlement—I promise—but rather letting the progress of my challenge take its
slow course. If I haven’t reached out,
it’s because I’m letting you take the lead.
It’s not a forever-thing, but right now it’s what I need. I’m thankful for the men who have been
spiritual leaders lately. It means a
lot.
Sunshine after the
clouds. In this pursuit of honor and
love, God has given me some great examples of men lately. A few weeks ago, I was really upset with
someone, but couldn’t relate my feelings.
So I automatically counted out the friendship. Saturday night I saw him out, and I wasn’t
excited to see him. He ended up finding
me midway through the night and initiating intentional conversation about the
last few weeks. Where I was initially defensive,
he was understanding and gentle. He was
sincere in wanting to understand my perspective, and because of that I was able
to open up. I really appreciated that
conversation, and I am so thankful to God for protecting me, and using him as
an example; men are capable of
honoring women.
Gambled
investments. As the months continue,
I’m becoming very aware of my friendship-making habits. Pride is a dangerous thing and it isn’t often
that you’ll get away unscathed when it’s at the root of your decisions. It compels me to befriend friends that aren’t
a good fit. I want these friendships
where I have to prove that I’m worth being friends with, which part of me
(wrongly) thinks would increase my self-worth.
It’s not a fair barometer of compatible friendships. I want to use these next few months to commit
to and really develop friendships with the right people. A friend who isn’t interested in being
friends is like sand slipping through your fingers anyway.
Loosen up those
buttons, babe. “What kind of button is
that on your coat?...Is it made of wood?...Where was it made?” A button conversation is an endearing term for superficial conversation. I’m not saying these conversations aren’t
necessary—at the beginning—but I need
some depth! These last few months I’ve
met plenty of new people, having my fair share of button conversations. I love people who open at the core and share
themselves with others. You’re my
brother, you’re my sister, I want to know your heart. I want to share mine with you. I absolutely love when I’m talking with
someone, and they say, “So…what’s your story?” because I know theirs isn’t far
behind. And loving is so much easier
when you know who you’re loving and can appreciate all the pieces of their heart.
So if you and I ever have a conversation, don’t be expecting buttons.
