I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, painfully cold.
For the third morning in a row, the set-to-freezing air
conditioning in the beach house refused to let me sleep. It was obvious God had bigger plans for me
than a few extra hours of rest. I heeded the call, albeit uncomfortably, and rose.
Before the rest of the house awoke, I showered, and made
my way back to the beach for one last visit.
The morning was still. Peaceful. I walked down the row of colorful
houses, admiring the freshness of the day. Quietly, I began to sing...
Savior I come, quiet my soul, remember
Redemption's hill, where Your blood was spilled for my ransom
I hummed a little as I reached the top of the stairs
right before the beach. I sat and
surveyed the ocean in all its morning glory.
The sand. The blues of the
water. The quiet sky. It was all much too beautiful and as the
lyrics continued to run through my mind, the inevitable happened.
I started crying.
Almost to the point to where I was sobbing.
Everything I once held dear, it’s lost. In my mind, I recounted where I stood a year
ago. Exactly to the day. A week from today, last year, something would
happen that would strike a fire—an initimate implosion that would change my
life forever. And I was fearful. I was hurting. I was in a terrible place. I was a terrible person making terrible
decisions.
Despite everything—everything—He stopped me.
He loved me
enough to stop me.
And it’s exactly His love that brought on the outpouring
of emotion in front of His beautiful creation this morning.
Redemption. Much
of this trip was an opportunity for redemption.
He gave me the chance to do certain things over. To act differently. To speak differently. To be different. And maybe most importantly for this time in
my life—to see the difference.
I almost can’t believe
just how much has changed since May of 2011.
Changes I had always deep down desired but never had
reason or strength to pursue…He answered.
And I feel it. I feel how I’ve
changed. And I feel Him. I feel it like I can feel the wind on my
face, the ocean waves lapping at my toes, the sand beneath my feet.
I know He exists, because who I am now—this complete
transformation—has nothing to do with
me or who I was. I had not the strength,
the will, nor the desire to change until He came into my life and rescued me.
He could have let me drown in my ocean of sin. He could have let me die. But He didn’t.
I am so grateful to God for showing me that I am not who I was 365 days ago. I am so honored and humbled that He met me
where I was and tore me from my worthless pursuits. I am so thankful that He reminds me from
where I came, and pushes me further, encouraging me to drive closer to Him.
And the closer I draw to Him, the farther away I walk
from myself.
Today was a reminder of what was, what is, and because of
Whose grace and compassion and love and righteousness and mercy that I am
saved.
As I stood from my seat, I breathed a silent farewell to the image of
majesty set before me, and wept tears of gratitude, humility, and love. I feel Him now more than ever. And it’s encouraging, overwhelming, scary,
reassuring, and unbelievable all at once.
