Not a day passes where I don’t think of my family. What it would be like to be with them again? To enjoy their company as we sit in their garden. To take in their wisdom—the wisdom that only comes from age and experience. To share holidays again, parents and daughter all baking and cooking. To be with them while they’re ill and ailing, caring for them as they care for me. To be there during years irreplaceable—the years that matter the most as adults, as we age.
I weigh my life here against all it would mean to leave.
As I sat in traffic this morning, I turned up the volume, and let whatever song on 107.1 drown out all my thoughts. For ten minutes, it was just me, Memphis traffic, and the bass. The soothing vibration playing with the treble, working to relax all my senses. For a moment, my mind was clear.
And then I heard His voice.
Jonah wasn’t going back to Nineveh. He sent for her.
I recognized the two stories immediately.
Lately, I’ve compared myself to Jonah and Stockton is the impoverished city holding no promise, but only crime that Jonah would rather let God destroy for its turned back. The other story was that of Abraham sending his oldest, wisest servant to find a wife for his son.
Not seeing a correlation between the two, I left it alone as my day continued, His words like music in the background of my thoughts. At the day’s end, I sat at home, curled up, Bible in tow, ready to research, trying to understand God’s lyrics.
After about an hour of trying to uncover it, I closed my books and my eyes. What are you trying to tell me? I murmured through clenched teeth.
You will not be moved until called to move.
God called Jonah to Nineveh. And Rebekah didn’t leave the land on her own. She left because Abraham had sent for her.
So simple! I shook my head. Over-complicating everything again! I laughed. Of course I won’t be moved until He calls me to move. It’s for what I’ve been praying. It’s what other people have told me. It’s what friends have been saying all along.
So simple! I shook my head. Over-complicating everything again! I laughed. Of course I won’t be moved until He calls me to move. It’s for what I’ve been praying. It’s what other people have told me. It’s what friends have been saying all along.
But the voice of the Our Father is soothing, smoothing out wrinkles of despair. If His voice calms seas, of course He can calm me. When it’s His voice, peace transcends.
My mind and heart are at ease for now, resting in His word that I’ll know when He calls me to be there. If I know His voice now, I’ll know His voice when He calls for me to leave.
All I have to do until then is stay close and listen (John 10:27).
