· There are many thoughts that run through my head in the morning—millions of thoughts alone in the first blink of the day! So it was this morning, when I rose from bed, that these words filled my mind, "You know, if I knew I was going to die, I would sell everything, raise money for my parents to pay off my debts, and fly home and be with them." While I've had thoughts of death before, this, coming out of nowhere, really confused me. I tried to brush it off, but somehow I couldn't escape it throughout the day, wondering if it has any meaning.
· I began reading the Hunger Games trilogy last week. Reading the actual words of Suzanne Collins's books, I am more and more intrigued by Peeta—just as I was intrigued by Edward in the Twilight series. Many young girls—and women—fall in love with these books, and I think it not just for the attractive male protagonists. Instead I think there's something deeper. Something in the way these men sacrifice themselves for the women they love. What girl doesn't want that? This self-sacrifice is exactly what our Savior did for us—so of course we are naturally, instinctually, drawn to men who are willing to do the same, fictional or not. As my OYC comes to an end, I wonder if I'll ever be found by a man willing to sacrifice himself for me. Is it possible? Is it realistic?
· True love. God keeps protecting me. Maybe against my own will. Of course against my own will. He eliminates pieces on the board, knowing that I cannot overcome them. I know it's in His greatest love for me that this is done. And I know His will is good and perfect, and He has given me a piece—a piece and a peace—that offers security, security in knowing that a man who loves me will really, truly, no-doubt have to love me to be with me. This was His promise to me in what I initially thought was a curse. It is His biggest blessing and His biggest promise.
· Tonight, I watched the Olympics and heard bits of Kellie Wells' story. Life experiences have caused my ears and heart to perk at the mention of hurtful times. You know the sweetest thing about the times of hurt? Brokenness. Body shattered. Soul fractured. Life turned into ashes. Nothing left to lose. Everything to gain. Hearts to inspire. My story is ugly and it will always be ugly. But the beauty in it is that anyone I meet who has gone through the same thing, they will never be alone. Comrades. Healing. Helping. I know not what God intends as a career for me—and honestly I may never have one—but I know whose hearts pull me to them. The hurting, lost women who have suffered similar hurts. One day I'll be strong enough to share my story. One day I'm going to show women that living life afterwards isn't impossible. That what is seen as a curse is a gift. Kellie's story being shared encourages me—she encourages me. And maybe that in itself will stir a ripple effect.
