I had built a city in my heart.
In it, there were idols of men, sex, beauty, fortune, and acceptance.
Everywhere I turned I was facing myself.
And just like the petals of a flower, God has been plucking the evil from
my heart.
Twenty-six was an amazing year. And not because it was an amazing year, but because it was the
year that God took me, and said, “No more.”
No more will you put other gods
before me. No more will you hunger for unsatisfying loaves. I will
take everything from you that so that you have nothing. I will hedge
up your way. And you will cease to be who you are and will be Mine.
Twenty-six was the most painful, difficult, heart wrenching year of my
life.
And to note this stark contrast is important.
You take joy. But what is joy when it is not compared to misery?
What is redemption without being lost?
In all ways I believe that God designs our lives. He gave what He
gave to me—bullies, boyfriends, abuse, family, sickness, loss—because He knew
what would bring me to Him. And not only that, but what would make
me understand joy.
Though we say this
world is vain and sinful, we are too fond of it; and though we hope for true
happiness only in Heaven, we are often well content to stay longer here on
earth. But the Lord sends afflictions one after another to quicken our desires,
and to convince us that this world cannot be our rest. Sometimes if you
drive a bird from one branch of a tree he will hop to another a little
higher, and from thence to a third; but if you continue to disturb him, he will
at last take wing, and fly quite away. Thus we, when forced from one
creature-comfort, perch upon another, and so on. But the Lord mercifully
follows us with trials, and will not let us rest upon any; by degrees our
desires take a nobler flight, and can be satisfied with nothing short of
Himself; and we say, "To depart and be with Jesus is best of
all!"
Checkpoints.
Birthdays are good checkpoints.
Last night as I fell asleep, I remembered where I was a year ago, with
whom I was friends, the place in my life…
When I heard Richie was preaching on my birthday at Fellowship, I laughed.
I laughed to myself, I laughed to God.
The last time I saw Richie was two years ago when I
was looking for churches. He is an amazing pastor, but I just knew that
his church wasn’t where I was meant to stay.
But his sermons kept my heart afloat during the beginning of my walk, one of
my weakest points, where I was unsure
of everything.
And so I was enthralled when Bryan announced God's personal birthday to
gift me a few Sundays ago. Imagine two
worlds converging. That's what this
meant for me. To see my old life, where I was, and feel fully at peace
with what happened in my life. Validation that I had been moving in
the right step.
It means so much to me when I hear about churches working
together. I think so highly of our preacher and to know that our church
thinks well enough of Richie was validation that when I left my old church
in search of a new one, Independent Pres was a step in the right direction for
growth.
My second birthday gift from God was hearing Glory to Glory. I heard
this song one of the first times I visited Fellowship. I instantly fell
in love with it—so much so that it became and stayed my ringtone for a year.
When I saw the lyrics up on screen this morning, I held back tears.
I hadn’t heard it in service since that day so long ago.
This was also a checkpoint from God. Remember where you were a year ago?
Remember when you first heard this song? Remember when you hadn't
given up your life to me? Now, look. Look where you stand,
daughter. I am so proud of you.
Third birthday gift from God was seeing everyone I’ve seen the last two
days. There were people touched me that probably don't even know the
depth of how much their place in my life has positively changed and encouraged
me. I looked around at faces. Some faces I didn't know well, some I
haven't spoken to in a while, but I can name a moment that something they've
done meant something to me. Then there were friends I've struggled with,
friends that I'm extremely close to, and friends I'd like to get to know better.
Just so many promises from God sitting beside me—and I just felt
encouraged to be sitting in a Moe's and at SoB with groups of
believers that are steadfast in their
desire to be obedient to Christ.
Twenty-six was the most challenging year of my life. And He used it
all for His glory. And I am so in love with Him. I am so thankful
to Him. I am so smitten and taken and indebted to Him for all He has done
and given me. At 27, and walking with the Lord, I can't imagine what He
has for me this year. I'm prepared for His love, more challenges, more
failures, and His everlasting love and grace.
I walked 25 years without Him, spent 25 years in Hell, and I am going to
use everything—all that I've experienced—to exclaim His name to His people.
I just pray for a year of utter dependence, faith, trust, abounding love,
discipleship, mentoring, learning, growing, moving, being...just being with Him
and having Him all the time in my heart.
Twenty-seven...I used to ask myself if I was ready for you, but now I say
to you, are you ready for me?
