I may be single forever.
This was my thought as I perused ChristianMingle.com. Because, yes, I wanted to see what's out there.
This was my thought as an old man sat in a chair and said he had never been married. Because I realized at 65, I could very well be saying that.
This was my thought as 16 new engagement pictures popped up on Facebook of friends of friends, and how I could see them I have no idea. Because I realized that may never be me.
Ah, ripe 27. More like rotten, past prime and wrinkly 27. Part of me thinks if I'm not married by now it's safe to say I will never be.
I look at Christian relationships and marriages now and I realize that in the south if you're not married by your early twenties, heck, at 18, you have to really put forth a great amount of effort to find the one.
Some marry their high school sweethearts.
Some go to college to get their MRS. (Yeah, never heard that before I moved to the south. Gag.)
It's not so much my happiness and joy are dependent on being married, because they're not.
But on mornings like this morning, sometimes I wake up and think, "Man, it would be nice to wake up in somebody's arms."
Or, "It would be nice to be kissed right now."
Or, "It would be nice to cuddle on the couch."
Or, "It would be great if I had a boyfriend so he could intimidate the jerks who normally hit on me and protect me."
Or a grand multitude of things that I would like to share with somebody as I grow old.
But most Christian guys are married. Or focused on other points of life. Or still too immature. Or not ready. Or gay and struggling. (I'm not putting it all on the men here...because women have an array of things that cause them to be unavailable, too.)
It's been 9 months since I've kissed anyone. It's gotten to the point where I can't watch TV or movies without looking away during kissing scenes. Why? Because it's freaking hard not to want that stuff even more when I see it.
Why? Why, God? That's the only question I have.
And I know it won't be answered in a night.
And I'm not complaining. Just documenting this feeling. Because sometimes, yes, it's a struggle.
Oh, Eve...why did you bite the apple?
