A weekend in New Orleans can certainly change a
person. And along with the OYC, God
definitely used this city to peel away layers of my heart.
And the more layers of my heart He plucks away, the more
I find out who I am and who I am in Him.
I walked casually down Decatur and Bourbon and
Canal. I stopped on street corners to
listen to bands. I perused the bar scene
for local music. I dined at local
restaurants, savoring every taste, every flavor. The city was alive and it ignited something
inside of me.
It was talking to the bartender.
It was talking to the local store owner.
It was talking with the hotel staff.
It was walking along the river at night.
It was the street musicians and magicians.
It was the amazing food and delicious drink.
It was finding my own style at the limitless boutiques.
Everything.
Everything incited deep thought and meditation. But nothing more than the walk down Bourbon
Street.
It was there I felt my need to help peak. I looked on through the crowds and at the
almost-naked hostesses at gentlemen’s clubs.
How desperately I wanted to say, to do anything.
Every day the desire to learn, to develop, to be able to
talk about the gospel with people, with complete strangers, grows.
And every day it grows I feel as if my hope and desire
for marriage shrinks.
As I transform into a Jamie I barely recognize, marriage
is pushed farther and farther down on my list.
With my heart growing for missionary work, how does a husband—much less a
family—fit into such an equation?
Will a husband want his wife proselytizing in the streets
instead of housewifing in the suburbs?
It seems less likely every day that I will fit into a man’s
mold. But that’s okay.
Because God has a mold for me.
And every day, I find myself accepting of the realization
that what God is calling me to do may very well not include a husband or a
family.
I could go on in life as a single woman, ministering to
those around me, in a ministry more powerful as an unmarried woman. And if that is to be the case, shouldn’t I
want the way that gives God more glory?
I think of the faces I saw this weekend. I think of hurting hearts and unsaved souls,
and know deep down that if God is calling a single girl to save lives, then so
be it.
I don’t know God’s plan for my life. But I do know the direction He’s calling me. And husband or not, I want to follow Him,
trusting His design for my life.
