Boy, dance with me, feel my body
Don't stop just come closer to me
While we grind to the beat
With your body touching my body
Get Me Bodied, Beyonce
I love music.
Maybe a little bit too much though, because every time I
hear it, my body starts moving.
And so does my mind…but in all the wrong ways.
It’s been almost a year since I’ve been to a club. And it’s mostly because I know if I go I will
backslide into someone I don’t want to be.
Dancing isn’t just dancing. It leads my mind elsewhere. Skin against skin. Body against body. Movement.
Friction. Tension.
Temptation. The
temptation to go further is overwhelming.
And if your eyes cause you to sin…right?
Cut it out!
And there’s not only an element of lust, but of pride.
I feel a lot of power captivating a man’s attention in a
sexual way. For over a decade, that’s
how I validated myself. And that has
been so hard to break. And I’ve noticed
myself slipping these last few days.
But those things in me aren’t of God.
This is insecurity.
This is impatience. This is my
heart wanting to be filled and falling back on what used to give it a high.
Noooooooooooooooo more.
Lauren gave me Redeeming Love as a Christmas-half birthday-three
month mark gift. An adaption of the
Hosea and Gomer love story, it tells of Angel, who is a young girl resigned to
a life of prostitution.
“Angel hated her life…most of
all she hated the men for their relentless quest for pleasure. She gave them her body but not a particle
more. Maybe there wasn’t any more. She didn’t know. All they saw was her beauty…they wanted her
in the same way they wanted the gold in the streams. They lusted for her…”
There is more! There’s more to me than just that, and I
never believed that before.
I think women succumb all too easily to believing sex is
the only thing that will make a man love them, validate them, make them happy—no!
Things are different now, Jamie.
Lust is not the way.
Stay strong. Persevere. Happiness will abound. Joy is already present.
God, remove this burden from my heart. Bring me to a place where I’m stronger than
this. Redeem dancing for me one
day. Let it be a thing of fun, and not
validation or sexuality. Let me press on
through my lustful and prideful spells, remembering You and moving on from the
past.
