Tonight I watched as seven girls left The Bachelor
mansion, their hands absent of a rose.
Most were crushed.
“What did I do wrong?” was uttered through sobs.
That’s the question I used to ask myself after every
break-up, after every rejection: What did
I do wrong?
Tragically, the limos, filled with laments from beautiful
women, carried them back to their lives—their single lives.
As a single girl, for 58 days and counting, I’ve learned this:
Being single gives you freedom. But being intentionally
single gives you a very different freedom.
Pre-OYC, my days would be filled with decisions made for
the sake of romance. The outfit I would
wear to entice a man’s eyes. The lunch I
would eat to keep off calories. The
plans I would make to intentionally be in the presence of men. Everything I did was for the hope of a
relationship.
Talk about performance anxiety. That’s a lot to holster.
While I believe men to be workaholics, women are easily
relationship addicts, and we spend our days pining after others. Especially the older we get, the more
desperate we become. By the time this
challenge is over I’ll be on the verge of 28.
I never saw myself at 28 and unmarried, but what’s God’s plan isn’t my
plan.
I'm almost two months into this, and every day I thank God for this
path. Not having to perform has given me
such freedom. The most valuable gift
from this experience is how much I’ve grown to love myself. I have no one to validate me, but Him. And because of this, when I start dating
again—if I start dating again—it will
no longer be a matter of, “What did I do wrong?” when goodbyes are nodded, but
instead, “We just weren’t compatible.”
And it’s okay to not
be compatible. It doesn’t mean there’s
anything wrong. A hammer isn’t meant for
a screw, and a screwdriver can’t help a nail.
Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean any man will fit you. And it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong
with you. Don’t screw yourself over by
thinking there’s something wrong with you.
A man somewhere out there may one day like me for me—all of me. He may like that I love to laugh at everything. And appreciate my flexibility and go-with-the-flow attitude. Or my love of rap music. And Christian music. He may like that I have two dogs. And hate exercising. Love Michael Jackson Wii games. Want to change the world. May not be able to have children. Not have a high-paying job. Have family in California. Don’t care about materialistic things. Have a corny sense of humor. Hate suspense movies. Love God with all my heart. A man somewhere
out there may one day like me. But maybe
that day may never come.
And if it doesn't, I have a God who loves me, I now love myself, I have friends
who love the real me, and I have a family who loves unconditionally.
What comfort in knowing who I am and the love I have for exactly who I am.
And, hey, with Jesus being a carpenter, I have faith in knowing that He will use me. Screwdriverless or not, I am useful in His hands and beautiful in His eyes.
