I will not divulge too much out of respect, but I will
say it has been the most challenging of experiences—in addition to the founding
and sustaining of a women’s group, trying to share the gospel with my parents,
being part of a church plant, and this OYC, of course.
It’s more than appropriate for this to have been bestowed
during the last leg of my challenge.
Anything I wanted to know about being a wife, I’m learning now. Anything I wanted to know about motherhood, I’m learning now. Though
this may not make sense to some of you,
I can see God’s hands in this.
And though she doesn’t believe God is using this time in
her life for Him, I know absolutely that He is using it in mine.
Sharing a living room, a single bathroom, and somehow
making two full-size beds fit in one bedroom is messy stuff. I can’t remember if it’s JB or Bryan that say
this, but if you take two people, it’s double the mess, because we’re sinners
in a fallen world. One messy person is
just one mess, but two is twice the mess.
I’m learning just how neurotic I really am about my space and
belongings, and am hearing God yell, “Don’t sweat the small stuff!” What
small stuff, God? It’s all big, and it’s all important! And I hear him laugh as if I have no idea
what I’m talking about. Slowly I’m
consciously trying to unclench my fists and turn them into open palms, which is
difficult for someone who didn’t grow up with sisters and has lived alone for
four years in blissfully selfish solitude.
I’m so thankful for her patience, which surely outweighs my own.
Sharing time and schedules has also proven challenging. I always thought my parents had it so easy—living
a life revolving around your children is pure delight, right? Slowly I’m learning a little bit of what it
takes to be a parent, and I’m only living it through a minor scale. Waking up at 4:30 AM to have them at a place
by 5 AM. Taking them even when you’re
sick and really want to sleep. Spending
money on groceries and toilet paper.
Messy bedroom, extra dishes to clean, more trash to take out—like I
said, two people means more to do. And
all of this is on top of them having their own personality and making their own
decisions. The friends they hang out
with, their habits, staying out late, whether they share in your faith or
adopt their own. Thinking back to my
days at home, now I don’t wonder from where Dad’s gray hair came. Being a parent means being there, but not
being there at the same time; it means being strong enough in your relationship
with Christ to let go, let be, and let grow, which is the hardest challenge of
all.
It has been a growing experience for me in every
direction in the greatest of ways. I am
so thankful to her and for God for wanting me to live this out.
The last challenge of this—and maybe the hardest—has been
living this out in front of my coworkers, new acquaintances and some friends
who may or may not see the sanctification and calling in it. This isn’t something people normally do,
taking someone into a home that is already lacking space. When a friend recently sat down with me and
tried to unmask supposed hidden motives—because no one does this for no reason,
right? “Your girlfriend…” he started...because people who cohabitate in such a manner must do so out of homosexuality and
my OYC dating fast is surely just an acting front for such...blah, blah, blah.
It didn’t hurt because he questioned my sexuality—for I
am secure in Christ there—but that he questioned my character in Christ.
Currently I’m reaching Holy Habits, which despite its
ill-chosen title is not a listing of what will secure us a spot in Heaven. Instead it is an insight in how knowing God’s
character will grow our love for Him and how this love will change how we live
our lives.
From a human standpoint, I’m sometimes met with wide
eyes. But it’s not going to deter me
from following God and, equally important, it’s not going to cause me to feel
amiss about following Him either. And
on top of that, I think it took Noah a hundred years to build the ark. This?
I can do half a year, or more, however long He commands, because I love
Him, and it is out of love I dutifully serve Him and His children.
That’s what this OYC is—a multitude of experiences,
consciously aware of moments in this life.
Each one adding a plank of wisdom, of love, of understanding, of growth
to His ship. With God as the project
supervisor, I’m going to continue my work, my sanctification, drawing closer to
Him in every process.
