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| How are there only 38 days left?! |
So is this what being on the homestretch feels like?
Because if so, it’s pretty terrifying.
Everyone is asking about the ending of my OYC coming up—Election
Day. I still laugh about that. Funny, God.
There’s a joke in there somewhere, I’m sure.
The more people ask, the closer it gets, the more I kind
of want to curl up in a ball. Noooooooooooo, I’m content being
single. Noooooooo, I don’t want to add
another person to the mix. I know who I
am now! Why would I want to give that
up? Give up this happiness for cuddling? No dice.
I’ve never been in a great Christ-centered
relationship. (How could I be when this is the first time in life that I myself
am Christ-centered?) Things are going to be so different this time
around—or will they not be? God, I’ve
got so many questions.
Will I really be
able to find someone who can lead me?
Who I can submit to?
What if no one I want to date asks me out?
What if no one I want to date asks me out?
What if no one asks
me out, period?
What if I start
dating someone and I find out I’m really not into him and can’t get out of it,
because I’m too terrified to walk away?
What if I settle?
What if I don’t
stay in Memphis?
What if I move?
What if there are no Christians in California?
What if there aren’t any single viable men left out there by November 6, 2012?
What if there are no Christians in California?
What if there aren’t any single viable men left out there by November 6, 2012?
What if I’m not
young enough, pretty enough, and don’t make enough money?
What if he doesn’t
like that I’m poor?
What if he doesn’t like dogs?
What if he doesn’t like dogs?
What if the wrong
guys ask me out?
What if no one asks
me out?
And all these questions (albeit funny) are a whole lot harder to answer than…
Hmm, what do I want
for dinner tonight?
My single-life questions are a whole lot easier than
dating-life questions.
Deep down I do
know that God is in control of everything.
I’m just scared of being hurt again.
Of what it will mean to open myself up to dating again.
Guess there’s only one way to find out (unless I ask God
for an extension).
This whole year has been dedicated to knowing God. Knowing His character. Knowing His love for me. And really that’s the decoder for everything
else. What is His will for my life? Know Him, and the rest is delivered with
clarity—now sometimes it’s Godly clarity so we can’t see it right away, BUT
what we can’t see, we trust for in Him.
As this comes to an end, my will to know God will
continue, and I know if I can keep trekking, I'll be able to rest securely in the surpassing peace of Christ, because I'll know Him, I'll know His voice...and I’ll hear Him when the time comes.
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me. John 10:27
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will
find; knock, and it will be opened to you. Matthew
7:7
It wasn’t worth it to give myself away / They didn’t
deserve it but they had all of me / I tried to find myself in someone else’s
eyes / A broken heart is all they left behind / And now the question that was
haunting me / Is somehow comforting / Could it be everything that I was looking
for / Could it be everything that I was missing before / Could it be everything
that I could want and more/ Is only You Lord / Could it be the only one who
really satisfies / Was always standing here right before my very eyes / Could it be You my Lord Could It Be, Anthony Evans
