There were thunderstorms in my part of Memphis tonight.
I walked in the rain to my car, enjoying the cool drops
on my skin.
And thought to myself, “Tonight would be a nice night to
curl up in bed with my husband.”
One big problem? I’m
ahead of myself here.
The ache in me is so deep, and I think this is because
somewhere, deep inside, I argue with myself.
Somewhere, deep down, there’s a voice telling me that I’ll
never have that.
I’ll never have a husband. I’ll never have someone to kiss my lips. To laugh at stupid stuff with. To hold my hand. To curl up with me in bed. To take romantic trips with. To take fun trips with. To intimately experience life with.
At work, customers ask me about my dating life
aaaaaaaaall the time.
All the time, it’s brought to my attention how “sad and
lonely it is for a pretty girl to be alone.
Ugh. First, they give me too much credit. Secondly, don’t they know that I feel the same way? Don’t they know I’m asking myself what is
wrong with me that no one wants to love me?
Cherish me? Respect me? Believe me, customers, I’m hurting worse than
you when you find out I’m single. And
just like you, there’s part of me trying to figure out what’s wrong.
One Year Challenge.
It’s more like Lifetime Resignation.
My heart has
resigned to the idea of me being alone for the remainder of my life.
I’m not worth
a husband. I’m not worth love.
I have God’s love and that should be enough. But it isn’t, God! In my heart of hearts, I don’t trust Your
will for me!
I don’t believe that my love life will be any different
at the end of this year. I do believe I’ll
be changed…
…but by then this inescapable loneliness will have buried into an irretrievable place in my heart.
My heart still has a beat but love is now a feat
As common as a cold day in LA
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing
Love Hurts, Incubus
